Quote of the Season

My nephew was unwrapping his Christmas present. It was a large red duffel bag that was encased in a plastic baggie. He read the label and squealed with delight.

"Oh Boy! A Duffel!"

Pause.

"What is it?"

My Favorite Things About Christmas

When I was a kid, my favorite part of Christmas had nothing to do with the traditional cookie baking, gift giving, caroling, or tree-decorating. I mean, all those things were fun, but looking back, anticipation became the tradition that far trumped opening gifts…

Instead of buying for all three of my siblings, we always picked names and bought for one person. The gifts were never as much fun as sneaking around, trying to figure out who had my name – and who everyone else had. Keeping my name a secret was also a lot of fun. One year, I was in charge of the slips for the name pick. I wrote “Kelly” on each of the papers, and passed the hat. When I drew the last slip, it was so much fun to say “Oh! I picked my own name!”

When everyone protested in unison, that no – THEY’D picked my name, my family had a big laugh…

The best holiday tradition I can think of, however, was The Yearly Big Box.

Each year, either one of my sibs or I was the recipient of “The big box.” My mother kept all of her wrapped presents in her bedroom. They weren’t particularly hidden. To enhance the mystery, my mom would tag every box – except the big one – so we’d all sneak in at different times, survey the wrapped wonderland and hope that this year was “my year” for the big box.

When my turn actually came, I didn’t know it. It was huge box with snowman wrapping paper, and true to tradition, it was unmarked. I knew I HAD to have whatever it was… so one afternoon, I wrote my name on the paper and snuck out. The next day, on my daily visit to “my” box, I noticed my father had crossed out my name. I knew it was Dad – because beneath crossed out “Kelly,” was red-lettered “Dad”scribbled below.

This of course, meant war.

As Christmas approached, Dad’s name got crossed out. Jill’s name appeared. Then Jill got the “X,” and Gwen wrote her name. I reclaimed the box. My brother may have joined the action… But the crossing out continued until Christmas Eve.

On Christmas day, the actual tag appeared on the gift – taped above all the scratchy names of my sisters and “Dad.”

It said “Kelly.” I beamed triumphantly.

____________

In case you’re wondering… The contents of the big box weren’t nearly as entertaining as the game my family played.

It makes sense that I grew up to appreciate the process of making things – far beyond what I actually create... because the real story is the process!

Christmas Chaos

If anyone's seen my address book, I'd really like to send your Christmas card. Grrr.

The Giving of Gifts

I have to write something almost mindless today - just to get my mind off of events of late... (Yesterday, I got a work-related call while en route to my family's house for the anniversary of my nephew's death - and where it wasn't a big deal, I just needed work not to be a part of my day... for a day.)

Anyway, It's a tradition I have - I miss my sib's birthdays every year. My brother's is on November 14, another sister's on November 16, and my oldest sister's is on November 24. I'm terrible at remembering birthdays, but I'm good for it. To raise the spirits of my family yesterday, I brought their gifts.

My oldest sister is easier to buy for. I got her a gift card to a store that she has to buy something for herself... She usually neglects herself, so I must force her to treat herself a little. My other sister, however has rules... and where I love my sister, I have to say that she makes the gift-giving process both stressful and not-so-fun.

One: Ideally, the gift must be a surprise.

However, when she tells you what she wants, she's been known to return a lot of gifts... Last year, my mother called in a panic: "Kelly, can you help me find boots for your sister?" I scoured the internet for the proper pair of boots. I chose based on price, appearance, and my sister's strict instructions. I thought I did all right. I even wrapped the boots and brought them home on Christmas Day... Two weeks later, my sister called asking for the receipt. She didn't think they were warm enough.

Two: Gift must be wrapped. I take offense to this rule, even though it's traditionally accepted as a gift-giving practice. My brother-in-law is not really into the whole wrapping thing. I myself am a horrible gift-wrapper. I really stink at it. My lines are often crooked... I used to be tape happy... I never curl the ribbon properly... I don't enjoy the practice...

Days before her birthday, she called me to complain about her birthday anxiety. "No one ever surprises me. No one gets me what I want... And my husband doesn't wrap gifts. I hate that. Can't he just wrap it?" I know the idea of gift-giving is to please the other person, but I have to be honest. If I didn't have to wrap, I would't either. (I've compromised with gift bags)

Incidentally, she's not the only one... If my sister-in-law receives a gift without proper wrapping (or proper accessorizing), she comments, "Oh, Aunt Kelly just hates cards, doesn't she?" I ask you: what in the world does a five-year-old need with a card?

Anyway, back to my theories on gift-wrap.

I work hard to please people - too hard, most of the time.

So I made sure I wrapped my sister's birthday present. I chose pretty, handmade paper in a color I know she loves (Volkswagon green). I didn't bother with ribbon, because to date, ribbon never made it to the list of rules we must follow. I got a card with a phrenology head on it (My sister is in the psych field). To my credit, I did well... She commented on how much she liked the paper. I said I folded it over so she could keep it.

That's where I made my fatal mistake.

My family then chimed in with endless joking about my grandmother (on my dad's side), who saved every square inch of wrapping paper so she'd never have to buy any. She saved most gifts to give to other people - but thankfully, that didn't
enter into the coversation, or my sister would've suspected I regifted her present - which I didn't.

My sister was so upset, that she crumpled the pretty green handmade paper I'd so carefully chosen for her on the basis of her recycling it into something nice - I felt like I'd failed. Yet another thing I must thank my cranky-grandma for on Judgement Day.

Anyway, gift wrapping was only really fun for me once... Maybe six years ago. I'd taken all my gifts and wrapping paper to the nursing home where my other grandma lived. We wrapped together, and she oohed and ahhhed at my gift choices as if she were receiving each and every one. It was really nice to spend time with her - and a memory I've wrapped in my mind with the shiniest of papers, the most glowing of ribbons, and a card that reads "To Kelly with all my Love."

Christmas Moments

I said a quick prayer yesterday, "Lord, I need just a little good news... Just a little! Please?"

I'm sick with this sinus infection that I thought was a virus, so I didn't bother going to the doctor's till yesterday. (Ah, antibiotics!)That left me at home all day yesterday, sleeping and wrapping Christmas presents. Because I love giving gifts, I've been kind of excited about one present - My sisters and I all chipped in to get my father a dobro (If you don't know what it is, it's a steel lap guitar. You've heard them played in country music. in addition, it's that watery-guitar sounds you hear on SpongeBob Squarepants - whaa, whaa whaa wa-wa, Whaaa, Whaaaaaaaaaa) Dave and I have plans to sneak it into my parents' house in broad daylight - masked by our other instruments. Dad will never catch on. If he asks, I'll say, "It's the Gibson... or the Ovation... Or maybe I'll make up a name... "It's the Newberg." (as far as I know, there's no musical instrument manufacturer called Newberg...) We'll stash the instruments upstairs and put a bow on the case... Then surprise!

When I called my mom to make the plan, however, she was extremely down about the whole Christmas thing... (partially due to her fabulous boss knocking her hours down to something less than she wants to work). She also reported that her uncle is feeling badly.

Now, I'm feeling horrible too. Really horrible. "Your boss is a jerk, Mom, to do this to you before Christmas... I need some good news..."

I hung up the phone and whispered the aforementioned prayer.

At 9pm, the phone rang. It was one of Jason's summer Vent Camp counselors. She was very excited. "Kelly, can you meet me on Thursday?" What Carol had done melted all the nasty parallels I'd been drawing between my mother's boss and Ebenezer Scrooge. "I've arranged a fundraiser for your sister... I'm sure there are some things she needs..."

Without any of my family knowing, she'd organized a bake sale. She called all of Jason's Pediatric ICU nurses, respiratory therapists, and miscellaneous "fans," to bake and donate for a raffle. Today, she'll be selling cookies and raffle tickets at the hospital - all for my sister.

I couldn't thank her enough - but decided I could donate to the raffle (which means I'm photographing a family portrait). Merry Christmas to Carol!

I've just decided this year - to really pay attention to "Christmas Moments," because I think we need them. I have one more to report:

On Monday, my band was at my house practicing. I was surprised to hear someone at the door at 9:30 pm. It was the UPS Holiday Late Night Delivery Man. I immediately asked him if he needed coffee (poor guy). He declined, but asked to listen to us play a song. I invited him in, and we gave him our best bluegrassy "Love Please Come Home" (which the band affectionately refers to as "Love Disease") - and then he told us about all the Bob Dylan performances he'd atteneded, and the badly planned Rolling Stones concert he'd seen in Hershey, PA...

Then wished us a Merry Merry and went on his way. Dave looked at the door and said, "Now, there's a real Christmas Moment..."

Yeah. I needed that too.

Every Little Thing's Going to Be Just Fine

... As long as I get one of these for Christmas.

Christmas

I'm determined this year, to do as little physical Christmas Shopping as possible. I prefer e-shopping... Which I've done quite a bit of. I purchased a smoke-ring shooting gun for my nephew, a cake server shaped like a high heel for my friend the caterer.... You name it, I've shopped for it online. (I can't tell you what I ordered Dave on line, because he reads my blog... For one of his gifts this year, however, I needed his license plate number... He asked, 'Why, baby?' - and I told him that he couldn't ask me such questions at this time of year, wink! wink!)

Anyway, for the band, I planned on making a sort of digital collage and framing one for each of them... But as I started, the ideas flowed. The single picture turned into a whole calendar - so I'm presenting four months of my very first Perks Calendar - Fun to make, and maybe just a little too time consuming...

This is my second calendar of the year - and after this, I'm either going to return to buying calendars or nail up a shingle and make them full time.... Hope you like the Perks images.... And let me be the first to wish y'all Merry Christmas, Happy Chaunukah, Blessed Kwanzaa... and Happy Birthday if that's what applies.


-Kell

PS - Yesterday I got an e-mail forward from my normally ... um, normal friend, Eric. It was from the American Family Association or some such organization, who was asking me to boycott Target Stores because they refuse to use the word "Christmas" in their promotions... (sorry. Now I wish I'd saved the e-mail, but apparently, this is a huge issue. Here's an article that states what may be a Christmas anti-pandemic...)

If Target wants to be over-the-top Politically Correct, that's fine. It seems a little silly, but since I usually don't receive my spiritual inspiration from a retail department MEGAcenter, I am really okay with that.

I understand why Target doesn't mention Christmas - They wants to be "Holiday Season Inclusive/Sensitive..." I prefer to include everyone, myself. The difference is , I stick with the holiday at hand. For example, sometimes I wish my single female friends a Happy Father's Day.

So what if I say Merry Christmas to you, and you celebrate Chaunukah? I'm personally happy to have a Happy Chaunukah, even though I'm not Jewish. A good day is a good day, right? My holiday wish is for the world to relax a little. After all, everyday is Thanksgiving, right?

So Joy to the World - All the Boys and Girls - Joy to the Fishes and the Deep Blue Sea... Joy to You and Me.