Claw Machines (Among Other Exercises in Stupidity)

This am, over breakfast, I had a long chat about gambling. (New PA state legislation is allowing slots parlors at several locations - at the Horse Races, etc... Currently, two local towns are competing for a license, so everyone's talking about casinos.)

Personally, I truly believe that Gambling is an exercise in stupidity. If every dollar I made bought me a feather - and if stood on a windy mountain, stacked all of those (*millions upon millions*) of feathers in my hand, and blew hard... Well, that's kind of how I view what happens when one gambles.

This is just a personal judgement call. I'm not telling anyone else what to do with their personal feathers. For me - It's the windy mountain scenario...

I have to predicate this by an admission: I have gambled - just a little... I once put money in the nickel slots while on a cruise ship, and didn't win anything. I've also participated in the office lottery pool a few times, with no payoff to speak of. My best gambling story, however, had a happier ending. For fun, I once heeded the advice of my friend Heidi's very elegant Floridian grandmother. She was sharing her secret for success at the dog track, "Ah Always bet on numbah fiiihve."

Heidi and I bet Five dollars on Dog Number Five (Hurricane Lil) in the Fifth race. We both won 20$... When the cashier/bet lady asked if we'd like to place another bet, we just laughed and laughed hysterically as we walked away... We knew when to say when.

Anyway, that's my dark history. Now you know.

Back to the diner: As my colleague and I were leaving, we ran into a man I knew of - but hadn't met... There he was, a reporter from the local paper, standing at the diner's claw machine - and he was going in for the kill.

We stopped to cheer him on. The claw machine grabbed a Dallas Mavericks Teddy Bear (What the DMTB was doing in Pennsylvania was beyond me) It hoisted it up above the other toys - about eight inches before the claw gave way. The teddy bear fell back on Bart Simpson.

"I've got to try this again," said the reporter. He couldn't find change, so I offered a quarter. My colleague looked at me suspiciously, "Here's a girl that doesn't like gambling - yet she's supporting this!"

"But he's THIS CLOSE," I squeezed my thumb and index finger tightly together. I think I may even have grimaced a little, just like a three year old who keeps saying, "PLEEEEEEEEEZE!"

To make a long story short, the reporter - in five tries (investment: $2.50) accidentally hooked the claw through the Dallas Maverick Bear's headband. The bear systematically fell through the chute. The reporter triumphantly handed me the bear.

"Why, thank you!" I gushed. It isn't every day a near-stranger gives you a Dallas Mavericks Teddy Bear.

We then had a short discussion about his job, "I'm just lucky to be working at all! I left my last paper after 33 years of writing... Then I discovered that $800/month health benefits made retirement kind of unattractive... So I came here... What I'd now like to do is take one of those 'will work for food' signs, cross off the 'food,' and write "Health Insurance."

I commented, "That's a great editorial cartoon. You should draw it up."

As he waved, I carred my teddy bear to the car. I couldn't help but think that this man, who is a very successful writer with a long career tenure - admitted to feeling lucky he had a job. In a way, it seemed that he felt employment was a bit of a gamble. It also seemed that having a job with insurance was the big jackpot.

I wonder if this is why people gamble - because in some ways, betting - or playing slots - is a metaphor for life... There's always hope for the payoff that will keep us financially fluid.

Kind of deep for the Dallas Mavericks Teddy Bear - but true nonetheless.