Kelly In Catty

This blog is Kell's attempt to keep in touch with friends far away who complain that I don't e-mail nearly enough.

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Sacred Girl Book

Audrey sent me an article from the October 30th NY Times. Columnist Maureen Dowd, getting in touch with her inner Bradshaw, wrote an article entitled What's a Modern Girl To Do? In it, she dishes on the truth about men and women. "Little did I realize that the feminist revolution would have the unexpected consequence of intensifying the confusion between the sexes, leaving women in a tangle of dependence and independence as they entered the 21st century."

She goes on to explain what took Sex & The City six years to uncover: that even though women can have it all – there is a certain percentage of men out there who aren’t going to like it – and might pass over “the smart ones” – executives, lawyers, doctors, (gasp!) video producers – for the ‘more genteel’ and womanly careers of stewardess and secretary.

She outlines the schemes women must engage in on the hunt for the perfect man, all the while showing off our independence and our sexuality. Some of them include staying busy and important… landing the cover of Maxim… or pretending we can’t be bothered. One of Dowd’s revelations made me quite angry – not because it wasn’t true… I think she simply let the cat out of the bag:

She divulged one of the secrets of the sacred Girl Book. And I think she needs to know I find her guilty of high female treason.

She writes: "Throughout the long, dark ages of undisputed patriarchy, women connived to trade beauty and sex for affluence and status. In the first flush of feminism, women offered to pay half the check with “woman money” as a way to show these crass calculations – that a woman’s worth in society was determined by her looks, that she was an ornament up for sale to the highest bidder – no longer applied…

...After Googling and Bikramming to get ready for a first dinner date, a modern girl will end the evening with an Offering, an insincere bid to help pay the check. “They make like they are heading into their bag after a meal, but it is a dodge,” Marc Santora, a 30-year-old Metro reporter for the Times, says, 'They know you will stop them before a credit card can be drawn. If you don’t, they hold it against you.'"

First of all, shame on Ms. Dowd for quoting a male reporter in a lame effort to legitimize her treachery!

Secondly, how dare she rat me out! I’ve been using that particular trick for years. I always offer to help with the bill, but rarely have to - and should only have to if I did the asking. If you are a man, and you are reading this, then Yes! I’ve done this to you – but it’s a secret. It’s page two of the Girl Book, and it’s sacred.

Look. What she said is absolutely true. I’m not arguing. The times when I got stuck and the man across the table actually looked at the bill and said, “Oh, um… Your half is $47.65 plus tip…” I was pissed.

The only thing men need to know is this: If you (the guy) ask a woman out to dinner – even if you’re just friends, then you (the guy) pay. I repeat: if you ask, you pay. Simple. Don’t look for our tricks. Don’t think we’re cheap. We’ve learned certain reliable measures in our searches for the perfect man, and this is one of them.

That’s the hidden truth behind Ms. Dowd's traitorous revelation…

As a footnote, we ladies certainly have logical reasons for making The Offering - but telling you that information would break the Girl Book Vow of Mystery and Perogative. Don't even bother trying to worm this information out of me. My lips are sealed.

If you really wanna know, maybe a certain NY Times columnist will fill you in.

And Guys? If you ever meet Maureen Dowd, go ahead - Ask her out – but know that she’s the Desperate Housewife character we may love to watch, but shouldn’t trust. Let me put it to you this way: If she can divulge secrets from the sacred Girl Book – what won’t she mind divulging about YOU?



  • At 2:17 PM, Blogger Trixie said…

    I must pay said book.

  • At 2:32 PM, Blogger Trixie said…

    I am such a smuk. I must BUY said book.

    On a totally random note, I will be in Philly on Wednesday night, Thanksgiving Day, and the following Saturday. What is your schedule shaping up like? Were you serious about the photos or were you pulling a Doris Day on poor Trixie?

    Love to meet you regardless of your photographic abilities!

  • At 5:58 AM, Blogger Kell said…

    That's just the thing - as a female, you already ARE the book. You know all the stuff that's in there...


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