Kelly In Catty

This blog is Kell's attempt to keep in touch with friends far away who complain that I don't e-mail nearly enough.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Like Water For Soda

I know this guy, who, whenever we go to a certain restaurant to eat, orders water. That’s fine. I don’t have a problem with ordering water. In fact, I often order water in restaurants. Before I get too heavy into this story, I have to give you some background on the guy and the restaurant.

The Guy: Born and bred to be a Prep School Advocate. He’s proper. He opens car doors. He says things like “All rightie!” and “Dance with the Girl that Brung Ya….” He has old school charm. He gets his shirts professionally cleaned and pressed. He never wears jeans. He is on the board of at least three community organizations & civic groups. He is an active member of his church. He gets involved in local politics…He makes a very good living.

The Restaurant: It’s a chain. It’s one of those places where you order your food, they call your name when it’s ready, and give you an empty cup. You then, fill it yourself at the soda fountain at the end of the counter. If you order water, you get a clear plastic cup. If you order soft drinks, you get a thermal Styrofoam cup.

Every time I’ve been to this particular restaurant with Prep School, he orders water. He gets a little clear plastic courtesy cup. He then proceeds to fill it with Sprite. (AND lemon! Can you believe it?) I think he believes that clear Sprite looks like clear water… Think about THAT for a minute. It's so obvious. For comparison, I like to put my still/flat water RIGHT next to his bubbly Sprite...

I discussed this with Audrey last night. I am pondering mentioning that I think this is positively the cheapest feat of cheapness I’ve ever seen. It’s not as if a) the soft drink costs any more than it does anywhere else, and b) Prep School doesn’t make enough money to pay the $1.25 – or whatever it is.

She said something very interestingly wise: “Maybe you should ask him if all his integrity costs is $1.25.”

I haven’t asked because I’m afraid of the response… I’m not sure I want to embarrass him – because doing so seems even cheaper than the $1.25 of pilfered soda.

Like water for soda, I question the audacity it takes to be so openly cheap. I’m wondering if anyone else has seen any extremely cheap things happening by extremely unexpected people. If so, please dish. I need to feel better about this!



  • At 10:49 AM, Blogger sass said…

    that is hiLARious. and it must be stopped. you must confront him. he may think it's impressive, when, in fact, it is highly unimpressive.

    you must kindly inform him to stop.

    tell him cheap guys must not be dated.

  • At 10:52 AM, Blogger Kell said…

    I need the record to show that this man is not my boyfriend (I just kept it anonymous for obvious reasons) Besides - Dave isn't really as much Prep School as he is Former Hippie - He will also spend the $1.25 and get the Coke

  • At 10:20 AM, Blogger sass said…

    no, no. i didn't get the impression he was your boyfriend. i guess i just assumed that he was not dating anyone and was maybe "looking".

    and look as he may, no one will be impressed when forced to drink a root beer out of a styrofoam cup.

    perhaps he married. perhaps to a man. i should know by now that assuming makes a total @ss out of me.

  • At 11:47 AM, Blogger Kell said…

    No, I'm just trying to keep his identity a secret to protect the guilty (enabler that I am) - as well as let the record show that this man is not my boyfriend.

    And of course he's not GAY. No gay man I know would EVER think of stopping this low! ha ha ha


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