Flashlight Drag

I know I've said it before - that the only really great reason in my mind to have a lot of extra money would be to hire domestic help. So far, we haven't - which is a shame - because I really don't do well as a housekeeper. It's not that I live in filth - not by a long shot. It's just that I hate cleaning...

Dave and I had some friends over on Friday - which meant I've been cleaning my house in small doses for a couple of days. It began in the bathroom, where I vacuumed and mopped and scrubbed... Then I moved to my office. I put all the unhung (and not to be hung) photos and artwork on the third floor (where I wasn't giving tours - mostly because of an extra mattress I haven't managed to get rid of yet - it's currently lying in the middle of the floor, hoping for a slumber party or something) - Then scrubbed the kitchen, Dave dusted the living room... by last night the house looked great - or so I thought.

People arrived. They ate. We laughed. We had wine.... Everyone looked good in my shiny clean house...

Then it happened.

Two of my guests lost the backs of their earrings. On my seemingly spotless floor. Everybody starts to search. I start to search. Someone is looking in the heating vent on the floor. "Kelly! There's a penny down there!"

Fab.

Then - Dave did what I was dreading. He appeared with his personal collection of fifty seven flashlights. (Dave hoards a few things - among them? Garbage bags, paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent, guitar tuners, capos, banjo parts, and... flashlights.) Everyone got one... And they were shining them on every corner of the floor. I shined one in Dave's face... (I know - it was kind of mean - but only for a second).

Okay - so now? everyone is feverishly searching. I make a mad dash for the corner of the room - where we have a desk... I shone the light. I know I should have been looking for an earring back - but all I could see was dust... and dust... and hey! There's a dog hair!... crap.

Thankfully, one of the backs was recovered - but then, mysteriously, friend one lost her OTHER earring back (don't ask. Too much wine, I'm proposing) - so the search continued.... Everyone saw my dust. sigh... This continued till someone blindly felt under one of our music stands and found the earring back. Everyone else decided that the remaining back was forever lost - in my friend's bra. "Dig deep!" encouraged the group.

Later that night, as we were cleaning up, Dave asked, "So - were you embarassed when everyone was studying the floor?"

YES! YES!!!! Just get the vacuum! Get the maid! I'll give up the satellite!!!! Anything!!!!

Then he mentioned that he may have gone overboard with the flashlights... What are you gonna do?