Dog Stars

The other night, I was walking my dog in the 87th best place to Live in America. As we were passing by the town movie theater, I heard a shrill "AWWWWWWW..." This is a familiar squeal - familiar, because I have a cute dog. Believe me. At no time has anyone ever said a shrill "AWWWWWW!" about me. Seriously - even when I was a little kid with a bowl haircut, the best I got was "Wow Mr. Kellincatty's Daddy, your little boy is really calm for a boy!"

The shriek was for Ebby - who is actually cute as a button.

This woman approached - and in a rather excited and high pitched testimonial, exclaimed, "Your dog is so cute. Just beautiful. Commere, puppy (Eb backed off - he's very shy)! I have a dog that looks *JUST* like yours... Moriah, doesn't her dog look just like mine? I just can't believe it! You have to come and see my dog... Here. Let me give you my number...."

She pulls out her business card. As it turns out, I never met her, but I knew who she was. She's the local astrologer. For years, I passed her house on the main street through my town - wondering if an astrologer could be supported here... Now - here she is. She at least had the budget for a movie - so it must not be a bad living!!!!

Now I guess I have nothing against astrologers. I just don't subscribe to horoscopes of any kind. For more information, consult a post I wrote awhile ago. Seriously - I've just always considered it entertainment by really really perceptive people.... or just those who are really really good at guessing human nature.

Okay. So now I have the local astrologer's card... And I've been past her house... so I've always been kind of curious about what an astrologer's pad looks like... So I ponder my next move. Should I go and see for myself or forget about it?

The answer came when during the next week, I had the afternoon off. Reason 715 called me and asked if I wanted to hang out. I love hanging out with him - so I offered to make us some lunch. After grilled cheese and chat, I mentioned meeting the astrologer.

"I've got to admit," I began, "I'm really curious to see if her dog looks just like Ebby, aren't you?" Reason 715 said, "Yeah... And I wonder what her house looks like?"

It was like Reason 715 was reading my mind. "ME TOO!" I screeched. "Like - if there are beaded curtains?"

"And incense" Reason 715 added.

"Yeah. and if she wears scarves."

"Yeah. And if she has a crystal ball"

Pause.

I looked at Reason 715 very seriously. "Wanna go?"

"OK."

So I snapped Eb on his leash, and off we went, on a quest to find out the truth of an age old stereotype. In our minds, we summoned our best movie scenes - of the carnival booth fortune teller game in BIG, of the hag of a witch in Kevin Costner's Robin Hood... Of gypsies, travelling snake oil salesmen, and prophetic strangers...

"You know Kell. I'd never do this without you... "

"I know me either - Dave would never agree to go with me. It's only you and me who are weird enough to do this."

We arrived at the astrologer's door and knocked, with visions of Whoopi Goldberg circa "Ghost" still rounding our brains. The astrologer knocked. The second she saw Eb, she shrieked again, "Omigod! I'm so glad you came! I've been telling people about your dog! Hibuddy!!!!!! Eb backed away.

She invited us in. Then we wondered where her dog was.

"We came to meet your Jack Russell Terrier!"

As if reading our minds, down the stairs bounded the astrologer's dog - but she didn't look anything like Ebby. For one, she was half his height - and maybe just as wide. She was cute and curious, and immediately fell head over heels in love with Eb. Eb, on the other hand didn't know what to do about his latest predicament.

Me and Reason 715? Um... We should have been paying attention - but we were too busy looking for the beaded curtains...

That's right - there weren't any. None. In fact, there was nothing in the house that would indicate that an astrologer lived there... No star charts. No crystal balls, no draping silk with fringe... not even incense (unless you consider cigarette smoke incense). Nothing. What the house had was Pergo. Lots of it. And the biggest television set I've ever seen.

Meanwhile, down on the floor, the astrologer's dog tried to show him who's boss by mounting him. Poor Eb growled. It was the first time I've ever heard him growl.

The astrologer quickly corrected her dog, then turned to me to tell me how glad she was that I'd come. I told her I was glad to meet her dog. Then I asked "So you do astrology full time?"

"Yes. For several years. It's been great."

"Do animals have signs?"

"Oh yes. IN fact, I can tell that Eb has been around for a long time - he's an old, old soul, fully grounded to the earth. This dog has a lot of wisdom... I can tell from his feet."

Now, to be honest, Eb does have kind of gnarled looking feet. They don't match his cuteness at all.

We chatted for a little while longer, then told her we didn't want to interrupt - and just wanted to say hello...

She then invited us to a barbecue at her house the next day.

We didn't go - it rained... But I have to say - it was a good experience for me. I'm a little sad to let go of my astrologer stereotypes - but I guess it was in the cards.