The Bice is Right

(I'm excited about this - because I feel like my blog lately is turning into the all-admiration society... which isn't me. Just today, I told my friend Cara that there are very likely more people I don't like in life than don't like me. Isn't THAT snotty? Well. Takes snot to know snot, so here goes with the snotty blog.)

Ok. I'm a fan of reading the Washington Post when I have a few minutes' break during the day. Today, I found a blog by Joel Archenbach (http://blogs.washingtonpost.com/achenblog/) that annoyed the piss out of me. It's short, so I'll post it here:

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Mercifully this is the last week when I'll have to mention American Idol. I only watch it in a pathetic attempt to connect with mainstream American culture. After this, I'm back on the porch with my science magazines, my history books and my futile dreams of a weedless yard.
Bo Bice had a stronger night than Carrie Underwood, though both got mired in melodrama, this strange sickness that infects a certain kind of pop music, requiring prolonged screeching notes and agonized expressions. You don't know if you're watching a singing contest or someone being tortured.
Bo seems to have more talent, performing presence and range as a singer, but Carrie will win. Carrie's so darn cute! Bo looks like a hippie freak, let's face it. Looks like someone you'd see drinking malt liquor out of paper sack. He's a "Southern rocker," a category of performer that is virtually a synonym for "now in rehab." He's old, he's already a professional, while Carrie is the amateur, the rookie, the underdog, the cutie-pie, the perfect blonde. She's a plastic figurine inside a kids meal at McDonald's. Of COURSE she'll win. And if she doesn't, the TypePad blogging tool will allow me to delete this item as though it never happened

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Ok. First let me comment on his snot-nosed comment, "I only watch it in a pathetic attempt to connect with mainstream American culture." What a bunch of hooey! First off, there are many ways of connecting with mainstream American Culture. I think Joel should start with going to the mall, renting Napoleon Dynamite, watching Star Wars with a Trekkie... Hanging out at Starbucks... It's certainly a better start than telling the American Public that they are essentially pathetic for watching a tv show.

If he truly felt American Idol was this beneath him, he should do what Dave does: not watch it. David would neither know Bo Bice from head lice, nor Ms. Underwood from Underoos. He could care less about what he calls "That Karaoke Show..." In fact, Dave feels no need whatsoever to connect with mainstream culture, but I guess that's where he and Joel Achenbach diverge.

AND. If Joel thought Idol was so beneath him, he may not have such magnanimous opinions on the subject. He would not know the history of the contest - he would not care who's cute, who looks pained when they sing, and who drinks what out of a paper sack. I would imagine Joel knows all about Paula Abdul - and the accusations that she's drugged up on the show - and gives her number to cute idol contestants (offering to "help" them)... I know. It's beneath people like Joel, who no doubt enjoy some of the higher aspects of culture, yet cannot look away from Paula, Randy and Simon...

Next, I'm completely miffed that Joel has the nerve to suggest that Bo is a hippie has-been. Hello, Joel - you look like a baby boomer - and you certainly sound like one who spends a lot of time with boomers. Haven't you noticed, there are a lot of hippies out there? Haven't you noticed that designers emulate those clothes? Haven't you seen all those people on the streets humming Pete Seeger tunes? Such wardrobe choices have gone from the cult-culture - to the mainstream. I actually have no issue with Bo Bice's wardrobe (even though I think he'd look better with shorter hair)

I predict Mr. Achenbach will be glued into his (highandmighty) tuffet, just drooling to prove that Carrie Underwood wins.

I need to say here, that there is nothing wrong with watching American Idol. I don't condone tv watching over other more personal activities at all, yet I like the show. I actually miss Simon's more "honest" moments, like when he told a auditionee, "You should hire a lawyer and sue your voice teacher..." I will admit I haven't watched much of it this year... It actually conflicts with another of my low-brow loves, "The Gilmore Girls" (btw, I cannot believe for a minute that Rory will not return to Yale next season!), but I've kind of followed the show during GG commerical breaks.

In fact, American Idol has proved a valid point to me. I am encouraged by the winners. They haven't been the prettiest, the thinnest, or the most marketable at first glance... But they're all pretty talented. I'm proud of America for out-trumping good looks with talent. Way to Go, guys!

Ok. I need to get back to Joel's blog. He may be right. Carrie Underwood just may win - but Bo Bice has outperformed her in several very important ways that cannot be ignored. First and foremost, he sings on key. And even though Randy hasn't pointed it out, she's PITCHY. PITCHY. PITCHY. Two. Bo Bice is very very versatile. He sings rock and the blues - with music and without. Three. Stage presence. Look. Bruce Springsteen has made a career of good writing and stage presence. He's not that great a singer. Bo Bice not only walks on stage with poise, he can actually sing. AND play an instrument (which makes even Dave respect him!)

My prediction is - even if Bo doesn't win tonight's competition, he'll sell more records than Carrie, and very likely outlast her fame. That's honestly what I think. I'm sure both will have a good run in the public eye. I just think Bo has consistently out performed her.

So Joel - go back to your yuppie parties, get the bartender to pour you a mint julep, and head to the opera. You're way too high-brow for troglodytes like me.