The Exception to "A Rose By Any Other Name..."

Okay, Walmart… I’m going to do something I’ve never, ever done before – and don’t plan on doing again… I think I’m going to defend you… Last week, you made a “Happy Birthday Adolph Hitler” cake for a kid’s party. The kid is named Adolph Hitler Campbell.

Now, the world media is down on Wal-Mart for doing it…

Back up. I don’t think Wal-Mart is to blame… I think this is a very serious parenting issue going on here… And I think it’s sad that this cute little boy has to pay:

1) What group of kids isn’t going to make fun of this child?
2) What group of adults aren’t going to make assumptions about this child’s morality?
3) Will this child really have to wait till he’s eighteen to change his name to something more suitable for an American child... I don't care if it's a German name - just not THAT German name. Hans would be great, for example.

It’s not Wal-Mart’s job to dictate morality – it’s their job to decorate cakes to make kids’ birthday’s happier… It’s a parent’s job to set the kid up in life – in a way that the child will be as successful as that child could possibly be. They’ve clearly failed – already.

Now, this kid won’t be able to have a normal school experience. Who wants to go to the Prom with Adolph Hitler? Who wants to give Adolph Hitler a passing grade? Who’s going to yell “Red Rover, Red Rover, let Adolph Hitler come over?” Who’s writing Valentines to Adolph Hitler? When these kids talk about World War II, who’s NOT throwing spitballs at Adolph Hitler? Who’s going to develop a crush on Adolph Hitler? Who will want to grant Adolph Hitler a credit card? Who’s hiring Adolph Hitler?

It’s unfair that this child will never be able to introduce himself to anyone without getting a double take.

What’s so painfully missing in these news stories I’m seeing is some kind of public outcry about parents who would be so cruel to their child. Sheesh.

I grew up with a girl who’s little brother was always called Marty in the house. When Marty started school, his mother insisted that he be called Ted instead… Why? Because “Farty Marty” is way too tempting for a kindergartener.

This child deserves a birthday cake. It’s not his fault his parents are idiots.

In addition, this child needs a government bailout – one that will change his name for free… Even if that name change is Inspektor Pilot.