Unnecessary Confessions

I've noticed that lot of people (even those I don't know) have told me a lot of things I didn't ask to hear - and in many cases, really didn't want/need to know. It seems to be an ongoing issue I face.

I'm a fairly quiet girl - and despite my unwillingness to blab my deepest and darkest, people feel free to share with me.

Here's just a sampling:

A friend just confided to me that for fun, he once willfully gave a cigarette imbedded with a rolled-up firecracker to a kid he didn't like.
Kell's response: Wide eyes.
"It's okay. He was an ass!"
Kell's response: More wide eyes. I may have even shaken my head a little.

Another friend told me about his girlfriend's interest in nudist colonies, after explaining they were contemplating the "M" word and might enjoy getting married on the beach naked.
Kell's response: Blank stare. Sarcastic grin. Real mental effort to erase the image from my brain.

To tease a co-worker, a friend of mine enjoys rubbing her body (fully clothed) on his keyboard.
Kell's response: "Um, I think you can get arrested for that."

A kid once confided to me that he liked to go bowling and sneak out without paying.
Kell's response: Men of integrity pay for their bowling!

Years ago, I realized I might be a confession magnet when a stranger sat next to me at a coffee shop (I had a coffee and a brownie) and explained, "Honey. You oughta watch the sugar in your diet. Sugar is the leading cause of yeast infections in women. Let me tell you from experience what yeast infections can do to your sex life!"
Kell's response: I can't remember what I said - but had to say something before I learned what yeast infections did to her sex life. Meanwhile, the barista is behind the woman, pointing at me and laughing.

What really gets me is that Frank Warren is making a fortune with his website, book, and museum shows, where people send their deep dark secrets on postcards.

Why didn't I think of it first? Honestly, I didn't think anyone would believe me.