18 Wheels on The Big Rig

This weekend, Dave and I are playing a benefit concert that my 15-year old niece organized.

My brother is going crazy. He has always been a rather civic-minded man. He’s a Cub Scout Leader (and a pretty good one. He speaks to them man to men: “Now, I’m very proud of you for the great job you did at the lip-synch, but am not proud of you for the way you treated so-and-so. He deserves more respect, and I will not tolerate anything less.”), and all that… And I think he’s really getting into supporting something nice that my niece is doing…

The beneficiary is a 1st grader named Shawn. He has lymphoma (not leukemia, as the silly local paper reported – which angered my brother to no end), and is in pretty serious condition. Last night, my brother called to work out last minute details:

“Kelly, Shawn’s doctor said his white blood cell count is high enough so that he can come out to the benefit for awhile. I told him to come during your set – because I figured you’d make a big deal about him.” I asked if he’d sing a song with us. “Ask him,” replied my brother.

Later that night, while practicing (Dave and I have never performed as a duet before, so I'm practicing like crazy), Dave asked if kids would be there… I told him that unless his health-state changes, Shawn himself would be there on stage with us. Dave requested (who’dve’thunk?) that we sing 18 Wheels on the Big Rig, which is a song that amuses both him and my father. It goes like this:

There are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 wheels on the big riiiiiiiiig…. (repeat 3X)
And they’re rolling, rolling, rolling. They’re rolling, rolling, rolling.

The idea is to get kids to sing along, then throw them the following ridiculous curves.

“Ok, let’s do it backwards!” (At this point, Dave turns his back to the audience, and I scold him, a la Captain & Tenille, for those of you who remember their goofy little variety show) I sing, “There are 18, 17, 16,…" while Dave wags his butt to the beat.

Then we do it in Spanish: "Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco....diez y ocho wheels on the big riiiiiig..."

Then comes the part that Dave loves - I think just because it amuses him to watch me do it. I sing it in Roman Numerals. “There are I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII wheels on the big riiiiiiig…..

And they’re rolling, rolling, rolling. They’re rolling, rolling rolling.

The thing is – the audience will be so phenomenally impressed with the Roman Numerals, but truth? I's, V's, and X's are so much easier to sing than the lightning fast Spanish rendition...

I'll do it, though. It may be suffering for one’s art – but I can’t wait.