Kelly In Catty

This blog is Kell's attempt to keep in touch with friends far away who complain that I don't e-mail nearly enough.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Love Shack Locked

I'm just going to tell you - with as little embellishment as possible, what happened tonight. Dave and I came back from an errand - and saw two teenagers making out in the alley behind our barn... We also saw the guys who rent the garage across from the barn working on their car. We parked - and went in the house.

Moments later, someone knocked at the door. It was the one of the guys from the garage:

Guy: You guys own the barn out back, right?

Dave: Yeah

Guy: Did you see those two kids in the alley?

Dave: Yeah.

Guy: Well, they just went in your barn.

Dave: How'd they get in?

NOTE: Dave put padlocks on the barn because the barn isn't safe. The foundation is bad, the beams are bad, the supports are bad, the floors are bad. Truth? We are planning on knocking it down someday - because it's been standing without proper care since the Civil War... For real. The barn is old - and ready to go - we just haven't knocked it down yet because we needed somewhere to store our lawn mower.

Kelly: I'm sure they could bend a board and get in. Let's go see 'em.

Dave: They can't be in there! It's not safe.

Dave, Kelly, and Garage Guy walk out to the barn. What we didn't realize is that we only locked one side of a two-sided sliding door. The other side was apparently open for business and slid open. Here's where I love Dave.

He knocked. On OUR barn. He respected the little trespassers enough to give them a minute.

Dave: Kids! Come on out. This isn't a place for you...

Dave opens the door to hear a very meek voice:

Voice: Ok. We're coming.

I reach in and turn the light on. No kids. Those two dopes actually climbed steps in the dark - steps that shouldn't be stepped on to get upstairs to be alone during the DAY... This is unbelievable to me - because the floor is very bad, I can easily picture two over excited teens falling through- And it made me a little bit angry - in a very protective way...

So - the mother-in-me takes over, walks to the steps and turns the upstairs lights on.

Kelly, calling up the stairs: Come on. Let's go.

Voice: Ok. We're coming.

Down come the two lovebirds - a very sheepish girl, and the big old lug of a disrespectful boy - one who can't think to show a lady a better time than sneaking into a dilapidated lawn mower holder. (sorry - I know I promised no embellishment)

Kelly (voice raising): Okay. One. This barn isn't safe for people. Two. It's not yours. Three - if I see you hanging around in here again, I'm calling the police.

At this point, the voice actually bowed - like an Asian bow. Right in front of me.

Voice: Thank you for your understanding.

Kelly: I don't understand shit. Now get out of here.

Here's where you've gotta love Dave. After the excitement was over, we thanked the guys in the garage, and walked back to the house...

Dave: That's so sad. That girl. She was so embarassed. Did you see how she walked out of there, all slung over? She looked like she was my daughter's age... What kind of guy would take a girl up to a dirty old barn?

So, as of tomorrow, The Love Shack is closed for business. We're getting another lock.


  • At 10:19 AM, Blogger Trixie said…

    First - WHO KNEW YOU HAD A BARN???

    Second - I can't decide what is funnier...that the Garage Guy came to get you or that you went from polite to pissy in under 60 seconds!

    Love the "I don't get shit."

    I can't imagine having relations in your barn - when you are there and there are guys outside and in the daylight. Now if it was a dirt road in a National Forest and the moonlight was jussst riiight....

    That's another story.

  • At 3:02 PM, Blogger Tiecen said…

    I can imagine having relations in a barn. Hay stacks, the smell of old wood, a little portable radio...


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