Supersonic, Idiotic, Brain-Affected, Disconnected Dummies

Note: I normally try hard not to use this blog as an excuse to be mean, but sometimes... The truth is harsh:

I had an odd flashback several years ago. I was visiting Pittsburgh, when I remembered this funny little song my sisters and I sang to each other. It went something like this: “Yooooou are a Supersonic, Idiotic, Brain-Affected, Disconnected DUHMEEEEEE.” The memory made me laugh so hard I called my sister. When she answered I said, “Hey, know what? You’re a Supersonic, Idiotic, Brain-Affected, Disconnected Dummy!” We were in stitches for a long time.

The great thing about the song is – it was more fun to sing than to actually MEAN… Which is very likely the reason why my parents didn’t object to the number of times it was sung in our house…

I never thought I’d actually THINK of someone in these terms – until yesterday.

My company is interviewing for several positions: Graphics artist, Sales staff, etc… I’m not really responsible for getting involved in the first round of interviews, but I happened to walk through the lobby while a bald man waited to be ushered into the conference room. “Kelly?!!” he asked. I looked at him. He got my name right, but the Mental Rolodex rendered no matches. I had no idea who this guy was.

He explained he was a studio hand at my former company. He named my former co-workers… I sort of vaguely remembered…. But would never have recognized him if he hadn’t recognized me. I didn’t want to embarrass him, so I took a wild stab in the dark. “Did you used to have hair?” He exclaimed, “Yeah!” “Great!” I said. “Nice to see you.”

I later confessed to my secretary that I didn’t really remember him. She glared. “What do you mean? You said that thing about his hair!” That was only logic. I told her that most people with a shaved head used to have hair. She was incredulous. “You’re a good liar.”

Five minutes later, my boss walked into my office. “So you know that guy?” I looked at my watch. “He’s gone? That was a quick interview.” My boss explained that as this gentleman played his reel, he mentioned, “Oh. Since Kelly is here, I guess I ought to tell you I was only the on-camera talent for this commercial.” My boss asked, “Not the producer?”

“No.”

She explained the commercial to me. As it turns out, it was a series of commercials I had written several years ago. They were PSA’s about healthy living. Knowledge of how I knew this guy suddenly returned. He was a studio worker who was kind of overweight. We needed someone who looked like a candidate for heart disease, so we asked him to be in the commercial…. He agreed. I didn’t’ personally produce this spot, but I DID write it…. And worked with the man who actually DID produce it. I guarantee you; it wasn’t the fat guy on screen!

I laughed and laughed. It’s kind of flattering to know that my work is gracing someone else’s demo reel. It’s sad too – but very, very funny.
Needless to say, my boss was so disgusted by this admission, she dismissed the applicant. Of all the supersonic, idiotic, brain-affected, disconnected dummies in the world, the one who stole material that I had worked on actually walked into my office, wanted to claim it as his own…. What a small world.