Kelly In Catty

This blog is Kell's attempt to keep in touch with friends far away who complain that I don't e-mail nearly enough.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Who's Worth Saving?

I heard this joke on NPR the other day: A man walks up to a bar. He asks the person next to an empty barstool, "Excuse me. Is this seat saved?" The person seated answered, "No, but I'm praying for it..."

Ok. This post isn't really about saving souls - at least not in the evangelistic sense - this is more about protection. Lately, I've been trying to save a lot of people... As you may have read in yesterday's post - I interfered in my sister's marriage. I don't limit this habit of mine to family. I'll save anyone. Once, I suddenly stopped my car because an old woman dropped something on a snowy sidewalk. I rolled down my window to tell her so - and in her haste to listen to what I had to say, she wiped out on some ice.... No kidding. I frequently search the internet, on my boyfriend's behalf - for cures for smoking... I've poured over WebMD - looking for new hope for my nephew's condition... I've given more than a couple copies of "The Boundary Book" as gifts... I'm a chronic fixer.

Lately, it's been personal... For instance, I'm in this band, right? Fran, my guitar player recently separated from his wife, and after a long marriage, is finally looking at other chicks. I've compiled a list: "Friends of Mine that Fran Can Date vs. Friends of Mine that Fran, Under NO Circumstances, Can Date..." It's not that I don't give Fran credit for making up his own mind... It's just that I think I'm being helpful... So far, he can ask three of my friends out... (So Audrey, if you're not busy next time you're not in PARAGUAY... I know this really great guy...)... and there is a short list of two - that if he ever even THINKS of asking out, I'll have to.... deal with severely.

My friend Carol (if you're asking yourself "I wonder if that's the Carol that I knew from...." The answer is yes.) is a strikingly beautiful woman.... who Fran cannot keep his eyes off of. She's a "NO." (Not for everyone - just for Fran... well, ok... I wouldn't recommend her to a lot of people, but hey. There's someone for everyone... right?) Anyway, Carol is kind of ... what's the word ... really inwardly focused... which too often makes conversation with her one sided...

Incidentally, Carol lately has "sworn off" the kind of man she's the most attracted to - the emotionally-unavailable-control-freak-type... But I'll get back to that in a minute.

So I invite Carol to last week's band jam. Fran immediately runs over to Carol. I keep giving him "Glazey-eyed" looks... He knows what I'm referring to - that half-hypnotized look he gets in his eyes every time he's been around her... He just laughed at me... and later confessed that yes, he realizes that no matter how good looking he is - he couldn't deal with spending an evening with her... (Excuse me, but is this friend SAVED?!!!)

Soon, Carol captures the attention of another one of the musicians at the jam... a man with a long-time, live-in girlfriend (I'm rolling my eyes even as I write). I make sure Carol knows he has a live-in girlfriend.... in case she was serious about the latest swear-off... I was hoping she'd get the hint that she should run like hell from this particular drink of water... But no. She's actually followed him outside..."just to talk, Kelly..." I resist the urge to run after her and yell, "Hey. He's the same man... different face... The EXACT same emotionally-unavailable-control-freak-of-a-man-that-you've-sworn-off-Remember???!!!" I didn't, however - I doubted it would've done any good.

A wise man once said that it's hard for a leopard to change its spots... but sometimes, if it's impotant, the leopard can stop being a leopard... So - it's not up to me, right? Carol has to save herself this time, right? I mean, Is my friend Carol SAVED???! Excuse me, does this unsaved girl want to be saved?


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